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Sunday, 13 September 2009

restless

I'm scared and so worried about tommorow. will I be able to get the positive outcome or I will fail. It's so scared me a lot. I try to calm my mind. try to turn to god. and once again reassure my faith. that my faith is in him. that he is with me and everything will be ok.
restless
eventually you are calmed down a bit. after all yesterday decision to going out is not wrong. you enjoyed to go KL with yenting. and eventually find out something that kinda relieve your heart. somehow your spirit being lifted up a bit. being reminded of the gods grace with every beautiful thing that i encounter yesterday. and so funny that actually i never been alone. alice asking me out on msn. but I just open it when i'm back at night and somehow they still caling me to go dinner together in dengkil. wooww.. they insist to take me out. and we go crazy taking picture in putrajaya afterthat. it was so funny. and marli come in my room letter to having a talk like usual in that same night until 3.30 in the morning. goosh i feel tired today.. haha.. but eventually I enjoy every second of yesterday. I even feel so excited after going back from putrajaya that i almost scared something bad will be happening next.. o my gosh dont let it happend please.

and what happened today is, it's like a reminding from god that he's still with me. that i'm in a bad situation rite now. but even though he's still showing that he's there. every moment I encounter every hours I spent yesterday is with him always by my side. and ps. kenneth say this morning. when god is with me, nothing can stands agains me long enough. he was my saviour. and my victory. and in the church although i been feeling not really good. but eventually i still can catch the gods word. one lady that pray over me saying things that i should have look for your words. that actually i may not know where he is taking me. it's was excatly the same thing that i've been wondering in my heart. and somehow the lady can speak it out. and I should trust him. i should rely on him. and face this situation not based on my own wisdom but also by yours.i it was so true god. that is what exactly i should have been doing. i'm alone in here with no one to hold me but you. i can face this with you god. you are the only one that is with me through this situation. i'll win this thing. cause I'm with you. I will have victory in my hand and eventhough I fail.. there always be somereason behind it god. I try my best to do the best thing I should now. I give it a shot and I fail so there is must be a reason behind your script. what is it that you want me to do..

I'm going to go on monday with confident. I trust myself and you. this is like something that is wont happend. this is almost like something that you sent for me. so I believe in you God. there must be something in here. it's all come too suddent.

Friday, 11 September 2009

Ok, I wont write about what happening today. as I found that it was no use. I just wanna discuss and think about the best thing I should do. what is it.. I dont have the feeling to write my blog. my body feels not really good bulking and tired.

and somehow i was not feeling the god flaming inside me. I know i am probably alone in here. it really sounds bitter. but that's really true. all of your friends is telling you how sorry they are. but they just saying thanks god it was not me. that's reality. and this is something I dont want it to be happened. I dont know where is this going to take me.. I really wanna scream to god.. god. where are you taking me.. what is it do you want me to do.. what is it that you wanna me to do. i keep feeling that there is still a mess beside me.

I dont deseve this. I dont deserve such a radiculous thing like this. is this showing how world can be so unfair. i cant take any half year just to do some stupid things.. no wayy.. and how funny that the school have some lecture that is so uncompatible like that. what is her purpose of putting me into that kind of situation. the most scary things is that i'll gonna be left from my friends they gonna proceed and i'm still staying. I know I still got eileen and yenting after this. but I cant lose another time just because of that.. please please please god.. show me what i have to do in here. \

if my guardian angel see me rite now, what will he or she possibly thinking.. that i'm a disappointing person. i''m a mess rite now.. not can even control myself. it's not wise to asking god why. >.? but i just dont get it..

it's not the last chance. and the result hasnt been deciding. you still gotta a fight. you still have chance. how big is my chance only god's know it. i gotta pull myself back together. I have to think in a cold head. and it is not wose to call mum now. and no way you have to rock her night with such a bad news. you have to fight first until you cant push foward anymore. then when you have to face it. looks for the best way out. if you have to do it over agin then you have to make the best of it. whatever the outcome latter you will face it with brave.

Wednesday, 09 September 2009

the grass not always greener outside

There’s an old saying: “The grass is always greener on the other side.” At some point in life, everyone looks at their circumstances and thinks, “If only… If only I had a better job. If only my spouse were like so-and-so. If only I had gone to college. If only I had the opportunities so-and-so had.” We look around and think everyone else has it better than we do. But I believe comparison is just a trick of the enemy to get us off course and keep us from God’s best. Comparison is the thief of joy, and if the enemy can steal our joy, he has stolen our source of strength.

See, I don’t believe the grass is greener on the other side; I believe the grass is greener where you water it. In other words, we have to tend to the things that are important to us if we want to see those areas of our lives blossom and grow. If you want better relationships, you have to invest in the people around you. If you want a better job, you have to invest in your skill set to qualify for that job and then go after it.

We all have the capacity to come up higher. God has given us all tremendous opportunities, but if we are focused on what everyone else has, we’ll miss out on what God has especially for us!

Today, instead of comparing, decide to cultivate the dry, fallow areas of your life. Begin to water and invest in the areas in which you want to see change. Get a vision and dedicate it to the Lord. As you take responsibility and tend to what the Lord has given you, I believe He’ll pour out His blessing and favor, and you’ll see your life flourish beyond anything you could have ever hoped or dreamed.

He who tends a fig tree will eat its fruit… (Proverbs 27:18, NIV).
- Joel Osteen Blog -